It's My Turn to Be Brave

I haven't had a new post in a while and was running topics through my brain today when I came across a beautiful song. It was one of those moments when a song describes exactly how you are feeling. So since I couldn't come up with anything interesting to write about, I'm just going to post the lyrics. The song is called "Brave" and is by Idina Menzel who is just amazing.

Don't know just where I'm going
And tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming
And the air is cold
And I'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction
For too long now
I've lost my own reflection
And I can't look down
If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

All along all I ever wanted, was to be the light
When your life was daunting
But I can't see mine
When I feel as though you're pushing me away
Well who's to blame, are we making the right choices
Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices
As we close the door even though we are so desperate to stay

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

And I might still cry
And I might still bleed
These thorns in my side
This heart on my sleeve
And lightening may strike
This ground at my feet
And I might still crash
But I still believe

This is the moment I stand here all alone
With everything I have inside, everything I own
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last time before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

Soulmates...

I've always believed in soulmates. I thought that I had found my soulmate in my ex John. When we broke up, I was crushed to discover that I was way off on that one. But afterwards, I came to the realization that I already had a soulmate. I actually had two: Sarah and Kristi. My best friends. My sisters.

Over the years, the three of us had drifted apart. Sarah moved to Houston after graduation and Kristi got married and moved to Germany. Not long after, Kristi got a divorce and came back. She then met a real jerk but he did give her a wonderful gift: her beautiful 2 year old son, Dominic. I still didn't see her much though because my ex thought she was weird and I should be hanging out with his friends (when he let me go anywhere at all). A few months back, Sarah went through a bad break-up and moved home. I still didn't see her much because like I said before, my ex didn't like my friends. Then John and I broke up.

You know that a person is a true friend when they accept you back in their life with no questions and no judgment. Sarah and Kristi have been there for me everyday since the split. They know that I was an idiot for putting our friendship on the back burner while I was with John. But they have never once shoved it in my face. They love me no matter what. I know that whatever happens, they will always be there for me. They're my soulmates.

Too Soon To Be This Happy?

Three weeks ago, my boyfriend of seven years decided he needed "time". I gave myself time to cry and beg him to come back. And then one day I realized something....I don't want him back. He doesn't deserve me and can take his "time". Too bad for John, when he comes back (which he is already attempting to do) I'm not giving in. The moment that I decided I was better off, this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders! My life may not be crazy exciting, but I have MY life back.

I've started to see an ex-boyfriend from high school who I dated 9 years ago. And I am honestly so happy right now. I'm not saying that I will be with him forever or if it's even going anywhere (even though I hope it does go somewhere). But he came into my life at the perfect time. I stayed with John so long because I honestly believed I had no other options. And when he dumped me, I swore I was going to be alone forever. Then God sent Chris back into my life.

So my question is: Is it too soon to be this happy?

I already know the answer: No. I was unhappy for so long and not treated the way I should of been that I deserve this!

Men Who Still Act Like Boys...

Here's a little background information for you: I dated John for 7 years. He was my high school sweetheart I suppose. In my mind, everything was great. Until the day he decided to drop a bomb on me and informed me that I was wrong. According to John, we had nothing in common, I hated his friends, I didn't like to drink, and I never wanted to get out of the house. Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. I had no idea where any of this had come from. We were happy. We were in love. Why was this happening? He had had an epiphany and decided that he needed to focus on himself for once. This is where I had to burst his little bubble and inform him that our entire relationship had always been focused on him. What he wanted to do, who he wanted to hang out with, where he wanted to go. Him, him, him. John decided that he needed some "time" to figure things out.

John's "time" consisted of him going out all the time and partying. Hanging out with other girls but still sending me sweet messages about how he loved me and they meant nothing. I was an idiot and actually believed that I needed to give him a while and then we would get back together and everything would be great again.

I stayed at home crying every night and didn't even want to face my best friends. I wasn't sleeping and barely ate anything. So one morning, when I knew he was already up and at work I sent him a message: "I miss you so much. My heart literally aches all day long. I love you and want you to be happy but I wish it was with me. Please please stop this and come back." His reply was this: "Me too but I need time. FUCK!" That was it. If you honestly love someone, you don't need time away from them to figure things out. You stay TOGETHER and work out your problems. I haven't spoken to him since.

I am done feeling sorry for myself. I want to be with someone who will give me the things I want in life. I want to be with someone who would rather spend a night in with me than going out every single night with his friends. I want a man.